forgotten things

could i slit myself
and pour out onto these pages
until i didn't exist,
and would the paper
hold me?

oh let me lie here

leave me dark and dead
alone with restless creature habits
you think i've destroyed in myself.
you are wrong, happily so
you would prefer to imagine me
leaning against this wall
confidently rather than
crouched in the corner of it,
slicing with razorblades at
skin long since dead.
keep your delusions;
i know the bloody truth.

expiration

you know it's time to leave
when you hit that dead, still silence
all you can do is look at him
and smile, regretfully.
you can always tell it's over,
but people in love
try so hard not to live in reality.

a vampire complex

i couldn't stand to be like her,
so i ripped at myself,
cutting to scar myself
and stain myself alive.
she did the same and
how i cried -
damn this mirror;
i don't want a reflection.

touch me?

i was thumbing through some memories yesterday, everything i've ever done and seen. there were so many pages of misdirected hate, wrongful love, doomed-to-fail relationships. and buried in a rust-colored box the gently fading memories of wrongful lust, groping hands, my childhood fear of discovery. i look back and think that maybe i can forgive him, but it will be so long until i forget. for the memory, however dark, sparkles as if it were yesterday, even hidden in the murky depths of my heart. hands are so beautiful but i'm scared of men's hands.

blood

here - don't you feel my thoughts pounding? they are running through my veins. not ice for blood, as some may believe, but words, tumbling around in the curved walls and waiting to spill out from the first rent or tear in my fragile skin. i thrive on these life-giving words - i depend upon the harsh irregular and sweet soft words, vying for attention. so don't tell me you can read my head like an open book, cracking my vessels open and tasting the sweet salty marrow of my bitter words and abashed feelings. you'd not want my forceful opinion spilling out like my life's blood - impossible to put back in. keep your own delusions - pounding through your temples and heating your body with the fury they provoke.

as you pour your rainclouds onto my head

for once ( and i do think that i've been fair)
i want you down before me.
i'll use you as you would me -
if you were to get the chance.
i do shake violently at your memory -
i could not sleep and i just
want to know if i'm going to hurt forever -
a flaring pain - if you touch my wound
and i'm sure, being you
you'll bring salt.