Saturday, May 31, 2008


if i run fast enough,
you won't be able to catch up
and i'm ready, now
to go
i'm expecting you will stay

what hold must release, for you
to forget me,
and i,

distance will do,
a lack of proximity
can temper most things
to a dull roar.

running to the next hole
i'll find to
crouch in,
waiting for the bombing
to lessen overhead
to gather enough distance,
and speed

so when i see you
in my trail of dust,
i'll have enough warning
to step off the path
i've beaten
into the pavement.

Friday, May 23, 2008


i'll never
be that tall, but
i'm working on it
squaring my shoulders against the wind
wishing for the strength to
straighten further,
steel my spine
against the strangers who stare,
the rest
who walk by as if i'm
i stiffen silently
trying to steal some serenity
from those who slouch into their seats
as if there was nothing
to this world.
i am sick
of circling up, scrunching knees
to my chest and bending
towards my book as if i could make
the leap elsewhere
by mere proximity

so i practice my pose,
shoulders pressed back
against the cold, the backs
of bus seats,
against my stressed muscles
to stand straighter
act a little taller

Monday, May 19, 2008

this isn't all about you

i hope you realize that,
when you're waking
there's more than the surface
buried within.
there are sure signs of surfacing.
asking me, terrified about
life and where it leads,
wanting an answer
i won't [be able to] give you.
you let fear
run rampant in you -
yet all your reasons fade
when we are two together,
the tether releases you,
that binds.
you are of my kind - too
wary of the good things
lest they fade, which
they will
if you persist in
turning away
trying to replace
something that still
snatches as you, something
that has a hold
which will not release.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

just remember this

i'm sorry i awoke you at three
to hear me sobbing, i
don't do it generally -
i needed someone to hold on to.
it's been years since a person
like you has been near.
or was,
as you're having a blast
running away

picture a forest of trees,
in a clearing watching
as branches tear at your clothing
and impede your leaving
i, standing motionless
as if stillness
could camoflague me

picture blackberry brambles
on the paths you're
wading through, because
clear and easy trails
are the most terrifying -
no telling where
they lead.

Monday, May 12, 2008

the mask

though it's not
my general style
i'm applying it all this time -
not because of you,
but to protect myself
from you.
it's like finding a mask
the eyeliner used like
the Egyptians did - black ovals
to protect against
mascara, color to cover
my pallor

it's the small bits of armor
we wear which
affect us the most.
and this does feel like a battle
for the upper hand,
no matter how unintentional
the warfare is.

i wish we could both stand
on the same side of the line,
each holding the other up
until we stand straight, alone.
but you will not accept the support
you push me aside
and blow in the breeze,
wobble, fall, stand,
wash, rinse, repeat.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

i even lie to myself

once i promised myself
i'd never feel this way again
i shut off all the proper circuits.
i shored my back
against the cul-de-sac
but stepped away
in an act of blind faith,
towards you.
with newly open eyes
i survey
this scorched earth
i stand upon.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

what we reap

there is a part of me, and it is
not so small
that think you richly deserve
what you have reaped.
it is no consolation, this
pathetic end,
two hurting lovers incapable
of soothing the pain.

this morning i dreamed
of your family, and
i do not wonder why
you turn away;
i am more curious
as to why
you'd ever think she
wouldn't run away
from you.
why didn't you see this end waiting
for you to fall
just hard enough?
my fate, i knew
ahead of time.
these things, this
is what breaks a life.
leaving over and over, running
until you find someone
who will flee
from you.
turn your habits into hot,
blistering ironies
that burn your heart.

THIS is what you've done
to all those you have left behind.