Thursday, October 30, 2003

second sight

as i lay on the carpet
the world undulated around me
so long, goodbye
i could feel it coming
i could taste it on my lips

i cried, "i feel dead."
tasted blood where i had
smiled dully and
cracked my mouth

and i do
(feel dead)

Thursday, October 23, 2003

paint it black

these scars aren't new
been there for years, now
but it's useless to wish to
change the past
(and oh i've tried)
i've been attempting to scrape
clean the skin, and start over
with new patterns
i've painted my outsides
with the insides carefully
peeking through -
black ink mars my blank canvas
my scarred canvas
if nothing else, i can
to turn myself into art
and ignore the rest.
(my eyes catch in the mirror
at the unfamiliar lines.)

Thursday, October 16, 2003

3,000 miles

i thought i saw you today,
close enough to touch.
my surreptitious glances,
my inquisitive stare
fruitless in eventuality.
i could have brushed you
with my fingertips as i
walked past -
but my hands his shadows
and all i have left
is a vague promise
of december
and hope

Friday, October 10, 2003

i lied

i did not dream at all
i spent the entire night encircled by strange arms
a warmth that seems to leave me
the second i leave, these days
these days

these days
hands touch my skin, teeth
tear me apart. i am no longer
who once i pretended
was the real me, the
beautiful facade scarred and bruised
by my terrible need to escape.
i do not know who i am.
i have become the shadow
seen in the night, the movement
your eyes notice, but when you turn
i fade into the background, unseen.

Tuesday, October 7, 2003

heart stopped

simple letters on the page,
three words, all focused
upon me.
i gasped; i must
have held my position
for over a minute
staring at the screen.

(i love you)

Monday, October 6, 2003

emails left on the telephone

needle marks in my skin
faint knives and razors
in place of blank canvas
i have not stopped
looking at my arms in years.
my fingers are worn
my head hung
against all the shame
associated with my (past?)
i cannot apologize
enough, or
repaint the picture
with a smoother
type of paint.

Sunday, October 5, 2003

snake bite

my hands, on her thigh
moving the night through
close in sync, i held myself
together, the beat goes
my heart won't quit
she enigmas her past
and leaves me guessing
while we dance closely i
hold her hands, her
belly her face her
legs wrapped around me
we refuse to return, these days
to the past we tried to scrupulously build
(has no idea, they will never know)
can't ever imagine what they do not
want to see.

Saturday, October 4, 2003

nothing to die for

get real, i said
nothing to live by
nothing to put your trust in
i said she never seemed to care
and she always walked away
when i needed to talk
i said she was never good enough
she always tried to keep things simple
and what the fuck was simple
in those days.
we walked as though undead
through unchanging moonlit nights
we wandered the streets in
desperate attempts to live
before life sucked us under.