Friday, December 24, 2010

i will not usually do this.

i do not mean to have this as a means to quote other people.
it's meant to be a poetry archive.
but i came across this quote again tonight. twice now, it has had a great significance in my life.

twice now i have moved all the way across the entire country, trying to escape my problems, my life. i'll give you guys a hint: it doesn't fucking work.

"...after all, I was moving
three thousand miles
not to 'escape' my problems
but to put a nice distance
between them and me:
a problem has to be fierce,
to travel that far."
- John Brehm

they were fierce problems, to be sure. still are.

all i know is that running doesn't work. because if it did, i would never stop.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

knees, scraped & scabby

and i do not know how to survive this despair.
how to dig out of this hole i sink in -
instead, the bottom is soft mud.
it sucks at your legs, pulls you
steadily under the water
until you drink it
brackish, coughing,
on the salt.
what comes after this
is only going to be
deeper - higher waves,
the shadows deepening
until all you see
is the utter velvet night,
the tide creeping steadily upwards,
until you choke,
and you drown.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

flinching solstice

it is only now, as the sun
slowly rises into clouds
that sleep pulls at me,
tugging inevitably into
10 am appointment
hit the energy wall at nine:

sleep becomes suddenly
impossible, it becomes
an enemy. instead, make coffee.
walk by your sleeping
lover and wonder how
they do it
how do they do it?

i can never seem
to relax enough
to let the dark pull me under