Monday, July 29, 2002

did you know?

i kept everything.
all i had.
broken bracelets, letters,
notes from you,
old photographs
lipstick stains on paper,
letters i never had the heart
to give you, and some i forgot to,
every scrap you ever gave me -
what if i brought it over
one day, would you even know why?
the old sentiments
we laugh about now,
they really existed once,
and i don't have the heart
to get rid of
the evidence.

Friday, July 19, 2002

make up your own mind

i'll grit my teeth
bare my flesh
hold the knives closer
to keep my skin safe -
i'll inflict my own damage,
thank you.
pretty grin
you won't disturb me.
i watch you carefully,
peering at me
i saw your face
resting your chin in your hands
you smiled, sighed.

Monday, July 15, 2002

it did hurt

she said....
(i said....)
tell her. it can't hurt.
(yeah but what if you are so wrong? i can't lose this friendship i would die before i would lose that.)
you aren't being true to this you have to say something you can't hide forever what you feel, what you know.
(i will if i have to.)
but it isn't fair to her.
(fuck. it isn't fair to me now, it isn't fair if i tell her and she freaks, it isn't fair if i rock her foundation and she can't deal.)
it's not like she would slit her wrists?
(she might and it would all be my fucked up goddamn fault.)
and you can't live with that.
(no what are you my therapist? fuck no who could?)
i did.
(you're stronger than i am you are so much better you let everyone know you tell all who care to listen. you would tell
i would, and i would be proud. why are you so ashamed?
(i'm so fucking scared i need her and she doesn't give a shit.)
you don't know that.
(it's inevitable. i love only those i could never be with.)
what about.......?
(you know what i mean.)
no i don't.
(it's okay, no one does.)

Sunday, July 14, 2002

insert swear word here

your face
familiar and sometimes i see the smile
it was meant to be there and left
i came along and it left
you write notes
phantoms of emotion i can't read
they were so long ago and you
scribble lovesick heartbreak about
(insert person here) you won't say
i'm sick i'm sick i'm suchafuckup
i want to be the person you ache for
i want i wish i'm so fucking selfish
oh and i hope to repair the damage
someday i would mend your heart

Saturday, July 13, 2002

early a.m. lovers

my arms can't hold you
well enough, and i
don't know
who is your secret muse,
your forbidden fantasy.
if you could just blurt it out,
the truth,
ask your question
make the other swear to answer -
would you?
if i held you to your word
and you could just answer...
what would you do?

Tuesday, July 2, 2002


he won't trust
me, with my own
knife blade.
his eyes are nervous
as i roll the edge
on my thumb,
he winces, when
i move quickly,
he reaches over,
attempts to take
all the sharp things
he can't protect me...
it worries him.