contemplating it

i think i'll never
unravel your complexities
the way i think i've got you
all pinned down
and you take that moment
to shock me.
your text: "be ready
for me to come home."
you never waited for the bed.
who is this animal
underneath your usual
musical composition?
why don't you let it out
a little more?
i think of your brain
like a computer - a mass of wires
i'm scared to touch
for fear of malfunction
and there's so much complication
a million ways for things
to go wrong,
none of which
i have the skill
to fix,
the technical know-how
to troubleshoot.
i'm standing outside your locked door
knocking, not afraid
of hurting you,
anymore.
i am afraid of really, truly
feeling all this
when it is over,
and i don't
want to be there
when i fall.