the ability to create

i always wondered
how we lost it, and
to whom
whether we used ourselves up in
the strengthening
of others
as i watched you submerge yourself
in him, in the stability
he implies

and i wonder
how long it will be
before he sees the selves
you've tried to drown in
your pools of memory, wonder
if you will ever come out
from under cover long enough
to tell me something about you
that doesn't sound like you
rehearsed it
in your room, very late
at night, like you do
when he's sleeping