your fucking face won't
get out of my head
nine times this morning
i thought of you and
turned that pain loose
on myself like a spear,
squeezed it tightly like
a knot,
where no
amount of untying
will ever loosen
my clenched teeth
the fake smile i give
to strangers when i pass
i make fun of people as stupid as i have been
the kind like dogs, who cringe away at
a blow
and later run back for the attention.
i remember talking, laughing
conversation
the kind about the type of men i like
i said i always ended up liking/loving
the ones who treat me like shit
you said you'd beat me, to keep the spark alive
and i laughed, because it was funny
but i'm not laughing now
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