Tuesday, November 22, 2005

mercurial *

no mere mistress
i slip through the cracks,

pull my fingers into traps, the
“gaybistraight,”
the songs i sing in
my head, i am ill-defined, please
talk to me now tell me i am still
breathing.
i am, am i, i

am?

time seems quicksilver in these darknight hours,
stay with me now i need to talk. i need
you
to take
my pulse, my blood, give
me breathless pain and aching
until i am more closely
approximating
the woman
i appear to be.

hurt me, dull and
sharp, until i know who i am,
until the world falls
into ordered pieces around me,
until it will be easier to leave,
and i am either dead,
or stone.

my hands cover my face, and yesterday’s gashes
on my arms throb
in the chill of the air-conditioning, until
my time with you is up.
you leave
and i walk on, unattached.

i assume only that rules are for breaking,

that the ones you love the most
are always the ones wielding the knife



*senior thesis poem

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