privation *

this loss is physical it
hits the solar plexus, making the
air hard to
suck,
these
corrugated
metal
steep
stairs

a
dizzying
ascending
vertical
slog.

my vision swims but whether
from tears or
the ache you leave
in me
is unclear.


today i sat all day,
phone in front
of me on the counter.
i
do not want to hear the ring
which i already know will explode us
like a grenade held
in a soldier's hand, the
pin flung far.
my body feels what i will
not accept.

i have lost you. i
wait
for the call that ends
our fragile, uncertain ties.
shivers
shake my shoulders as i wrap
my arms around
my gut wound,
stomach cramped,


and empty.
is this desire, mourning,
violent anger? my body
knows only the terrible
wrongness,

the void.






*senior thesis poem